


I Shouldn't Say

by BeelsBae



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Identity Issues, Insecurity, Masturbation, Phone Sex, mild dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26495785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeelsBae/pseuds/BeelsBae
Summary: A late-night phone conversation between you and Yoosung turns intimate, despite your best intentions, and you struggle to understand your place in relation to the woman Yoosung has lost. Based on (and spoilers for?) days 5 and 6 of Yoosung's route.
Relationships: Kim Yoosung/Main Character, Kim Yoosung/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	I Shouldn't Say

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing phone sex and, of course, it had to be for Mystic Messenger! I drafted this on day 5 of Yoosung's route and ALMOST didn't post it because he is such a precious bean that I feel guilty, haha. Also, it's too long, lol, but here it is. :)

You end the call with a sigh, tapping your phone screen. You just told Yoosung that it’s late, and he should really be getting to bed. You were a little brusque, honestly, but not because you were bothered by his call. No, not at all. Quite the opposite, in fact; you wanted to stay on the line and tell him things it’s probably too soon to say. Like how you find yourself thinking about him throughout the day, how his texts make you smile and your heart race, and how badly you want to see him face-to-face, without the buffer of technology between you. 

But that’s selfish, and Yoosung is in a vulnerable place in his life right now, you remind yourself, setting your phone down next to you on the bed in Rika’s old apartment. Yoosung has been through a lot in the last few years - enough to make anyone doubt themselves and their direction in life. It’s amazing, you think, that Yoosung has managed to cling to some shreds of optimism in the face of the tragedy that he and the other RFA members have faced. Despite being in a low place himself, Yoosung's still caring and and sympathetic towards you and the other members of the RFA. It’s one of the things you like about him. It’s one of the reasons you keep checking your phone throught the day, wishing he’d call. One of the reasons your hand has somehow inched back towards your device, even though you’d said goodbye only a minute or two ago.

You sit up, determined to be adult about this. Of course you can’t call Yoosung again, not after you’d just talked with him and told him he should go to sleep. You slide out of bed and decide to take your own advice, peeling off your sweater and shimmying out of your pants. You slip your nightshirt over your head and fiddle with your bra underneath. Slipping it out from under your knee-length pajama top, you grab your discarded clothes and carry them to the laundry basket in the corner of the room. Maybe this is why you’re so sensitive about being compared to Rika, you think, remembering the chatroom drama from earlier in the day as you dump your dirty laundry in the hamper. Here you are, living in her apartment, doing her job, using her things – it really is like you’ve replaced her. 

With a sigh, you crawl back onto the bed, laying down with a huff on your back to stare at the ceiling. You haven't been able to bring yourself to ask if Yoosung had… _feelings_ for Rika. After all, they were cousins. Even so, it’s obvious that she was very special to him in some way. Very special. And although you aren’t trying to compete with her memory, Yoosung can’t seem to help comparing the two of you. It makes you uncomfortable, and you worry that his feelings for you might just be an echo of what he felt towards her.

 _Your_ feelings, on the other hand… You look down at your phone, finding your hand has navigated towards it once again, seemingly drawn to your only tie to Yoosung. You sigh heavily. The truth is, you like the naive but sincere RFA member. A lot. Sure, maybe his concern for you has been a bit borrowed from feelings for someone else, but at the end of the day, he’s a kind, empathetic person. You think anyone would be lucky to have Yoosung as someone special in their life. 

That isn’t to say, however, that your feelings are as innocent as sugar and sunshine when it comes to Yoosung. Lately, his calls have been drawing out different feelings, longings - your heart beats a little faster when he greets you, and your face warms when he says he’s been thinking of you. But you can’t tell Yoosung that his voice makes you melt just a little, that you want to do more than pat his blonde head when you meet, that you want him to tell you what he imagines when he says he thinks of you when he can’t sleep… _No_ , you think, closing your eyes to try to contain the flush that creeps up your neck as you replay Yoosung’s voice saying to meet him in his dreams. _I can’t tell him that I imagine him… like this_. You exhale breathily, your pulse a bit too quick for you to relax comfortably.

Still… if you did meet Yoosung in his dreams, what would the two of you do? Would you pat his head like you’d promised? Would he smile brightly and let you cup his face with your hand? Would his cheek grow hot against your palm as you lean in to kiss him? Would his lips part shyly as you caress them with your own? Would his tongue find yours? Would he be bashful - or brave? 

It isn’t just the thought of kissing Yoosung that has your hand slowly moving downward towards the hem of your nightshirt. It’s all the _other_ things, things that come after the kiss, the not-quite-so-innocent things. It's these thoughts that have you pulling up your nightshirt to bunch around your waist and slipping your hand between your legs, your fingers brushing against your heat through your panties. You trace yourself lightly through the fabric, which is already growing damp. No, you can’t tell Yoosung that you think about _these_ things. 

You hum lightly, eyes closed, tingling at your own touch as your fingertips gently circle your most sensitive spot through your underwear. If this were Yoosung’s hand, how would he touch you? Would his movements be hesitant, gentle? Or would he be impatient, clumsy, eager to have and to please you? Your breathing picks up as you start to pleasure yourself more deliberately, one hand between your thighs, fingers teasing your slit through your panties, your other hand reaching to your chest to toy with a nipple through your pajamas… 

You’re startled by your phone ringing loudly beside you, and you pull away your hand as if you’ve been caught. Your heart is pounding, body buzzing, as you pick up your phone to see who it could be so late. _Yoosung._ Your heart jumps into your throat. You can’t trust yourself to answer, not when the thrumming between your legs is so needy, when your head is so full of all the things you and Yoosung could do if only you could meet. 

But it’s not like you can ignore him, either.

“Hello? Yoosung?” Your voice is a shade too light and airy. 

“Yes, it’s me! Oh, I hope I didn’t wake you. Were you sleeping?” Yoosung’s friendly greeting turns concerned; he can tell something’s off. 

“No, I wasn’t sleeping.” You reply quickly. _Too quickly?_

“Good! I mean, you should try to get plenty of rest, but I’m glad I didn’t wake you.” Yoosung says on the other end of the line. 

“Is everything okay?” You ask, not sure why he would call so late after you'd just spoken. You’ve already said goodnight, and his sleep schedule has been pretty decent the last couple days since he hasn’t been playing LOLOL quite so religiously. 

“Yes. Um, I don’t know.” Yoosung sighs. “I'm really sorry to call again. I just have a lot on my mind, I guess. I wanted to hear your voice…” You can practically hear him blush. 

“Oh, then, that’s okay.” You assure him, glad to have gotten your breathing mostly back under control. “I like when you call.”

“I’m glad!” Yoosung sounds almost happy, but there's a layer to his voice that is a bit more somber. “I know I shouldn’t call so late at night. It’s just…” He pauses, and you think that he sounds a bit thoughtful. “I just really wish I could see you.”

“I know. I want to see you too.” 

“Y-you mean it?” Yoosung sounds pleased, his voice quiet but enthusiastic. “Wow, just hearing you say that…makes me so happy. "

"Of course I mean it." You say with a smile. You stare up at the ceiling, phone pressed to one ear, wondering if Yoosung is already in bed, too. _I wonder what he wears to bed._

"I-I wish I could be there with you, right now.” 

“Me too.” You say, trying not to picture Yoosung in his sleep clothes climbing into the bed where you’re laying, your nightshirt pulled up past your hips. The image makes your body temperature rise. 

“If I was there with you, I would want… ah, I don’t know...” Yoosung sighs again and chuckles tiredly. “I shouldn’t have called. Emotions can be overwhelming this late at night.” 

His hesitance is endearing. “You can say,” You prompt him, almost shy yourself. “I don’t mind.” Besides, you’re pretty sure Yoosung won't take this conversation in an inappropriate direction. It’s _you_ who needs to be kept in line.

“O-okay!” Yoosung thinks for a moment, and you can hear him take a deep breath to gather courage before he speaks again. “Then, if I was there, I would want to hold you in my arms. I bet you’d fit perfectly." He sounds so sure. "Um, are you in bed?"

"Yes."

There's a brief silence while Yoosung processes that information. "Then I'd wan to-to get in next to you and hold you close. Really close, so I could feel how… warm you must be.” His voice grows softer.

You sigh as you imagine it, because currently, you’re _quite_ warm. “I wish you could feel me right now, Yoosung.” The words have barely left your mouth before you realize how they must sound. _Oh no - that was a little too flirty!_ You chew your bottom lip, nervous for his response.

“I-I would like that.” Yoosung says, sounding self-conscious. “But, um, in what way…?”

Your heart skips a bit. 

“S-sorry! I didn’t mean for it to sound weird like that.” Yoosung quickly backtracks. “I just got carried away thinking about holding you and…I just wondered for a second if you meant something else.”

His flustered voice makes your blush deepen. “It’s okay,” You assure him. “I sorta did mean…” 

You cut yourself off, biting your lip again. _Stop it!_ You tell yourself. _This isn’t why he called!_ It’s too soon to be feeling so hot and bothered by the idea of Yoosung holding you close, arms wrapped around you, limbs entangled, his mouth trailing kisses on your neck, his breath hot on your skin...

“Wh-what did you mean?” Yoosung's question brings you back to reality.

“Yoosung, I shouldn’t say.” Your voice is more strained than you meant it to be. You take another deep breath, trying to get a hold of yourself.

“Please? Could you tell me? I... I want to make sure I get it right when we finally meet.” He sounds so sincere. 

You chuckle. “Honestly, anything you do will be perfect.” 

“O-oh! That just made my heart jump,” Yoosung laughs lightly. “Still… I don’t know what to do, what sort of things girls like.” 

“Yoosung,” You chide him gently. “I’d be happy to just hold your hand, if you’d let me.” You say, realizing that you mean it. You’re not in any hurry, and you don’t _try_ to have these other, more adult feelings for Yoosung. They just...come up. 

“ _Oh!_ That would be amazing! I hadn’t even thought about holding hands.” He sounds so disappointed in himself. “To be honest, I always get so excited when I think about meeting you that I just skip ahead…” Yoosung chokes on his words a little as he abruptly ends his thought. “Ah, sorry! I shouldn’t say something like that.”

You know better than to say what you’re about to say, but you can’t quite help it. “Um, if you tell me what you… skip ahead to, I’ll tell you what I meant before.” 

There’s a brief silence on the other end of the line, and you wonder if Yoosung is having the same internal struggle as you are. It’s all too much, too soon. _Isn’t it?_

Yoosung’s voice finally comes through, more slowly and deliberately than before. “I guess I always think about h-holding you close. So close that maybe I can feel your heart beating. You'll probably be able to feel mine, too. And then, I imagine that we k-kiss…”

Could this man be more adorable? 

“Kiss?” You ask innocently, cuing him to provide more detail.

“Yeah, and I would make sure to do it in a romantic way. I’d lift your chin with my hand and look deep into your eyes.” Yoosung’s voice is wistful. “And then I’d kiss you, and it would feel like it lasts forever, even if it’s only for a few seconds. And I would pull you in tight to my chest, and maybe you would sigh a little in my arms, and…”

He stops, clearly embarrassed. 

“Yoosung, that sounds perfect.” 

“You think so?” His tone is hopeful, your praise restoring some of his courage. “I mean, you’d really want to?”

“Of course,” You reply, wondering if he can hear how you’re smiling. “I… think about that too.” 

“Really?” Yoosung sounds surprised. "Wow, my heart is beating so fast, ha. Oh, is that what you meant, then?”

Oh right, you’d said you’d tell him what you had meant when you said you said you wanted him to feel you. _Great._ “Um, not exactly…” You hedge, wondering how honest you should be with Yoosung about your feelings. He’s an adult and all, but you know his experience with romance has been limited, and he hasn’t exactly been in the best head-space recently. 

“Is there a different way you…um…want me to feel you?” Yoosung asks, voice hushed, like if he asks too loudly, you'll get spooked and run away. _Or he will_ , you think. 

“Yes.” You admit, feeling a bit flustered yourself. 

“I know I shouldn’t ask, but I really want to know…” Yoosung sighs. “It’s just, I can’t help but think that you might be disappointed when we meet if I don’t know what you like or what you want me to do, and what if I do something wrong? Or something you don’t like?”

“Yoosung,” You speak too quietly. 

“What if I don’t kiss the right way, or what if I kiss you too much, or–”

“Yoosung!” You get through to him this time, and he quiets. If he’s this concerned about it, you should tell him - something, at least.

You take a deep breath. “Hearing you say you wanted to hold me… it made me really warm all over.” Your voice has a strange, breathy quality. “And I just thought about how I want you to be able to feel how warm I get when I think about you.” You pause, not quite sure if you can continue. 

“I make you… feel like that?” Yoosung sounds like he’s a little bit in awe, like he doesn’t quite believe he could have that effect on someone. 

“Yoosung, I…” You hesitate, but you’re encouraged by his response. “I was thinking about where I want you to - to feel me, to touch me.”

You hear a quiet intake of breath on the other end of the phone, and your heart is instantly pounding in your chest. Even if Yoosung doesn’t know how indecent your thoughts are, your hushed voice implies it.

“Sorry,” You mutter apologetically. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“No!” Yoosung replies quickly. You hear a shuffling on the other end of the line. “I mean, I want to hear more.”

“More?” You echo, your pulse pounding in your ears. 

“About how... where you want me to…” Yoosung’s voice trails off, and you imagine his cheeks are as red as yours. 

“Where I want you to touch me?” You ask, feeling your stomach flutter with excitement. 

“Y-yes,” His voice is quiet again. “But only if you want to!” He rushes to add.

You stare up at the ceiling without seeing it, trying to organize your thoughts. “I-I guess, I want you to touch me like you said,” You start slowly. “I want you to hold me. And kiss me. And I want to feel your hands in my hair...” 

“In your h-hair?” Comes the almost squeaky response. 

“Is that okay?” You ask, suddenly feeling nervous. 

“I-I could do that.” Yoosung replies, not sounding especially convinced. “Wh-what else?” 

“Well, maybe,” You suggest, heart racing. “You could put your hands other places, too.” There’s nothing too explicit about what you’re saying, but just talking to Yoosung about how you want him to touch you is making you feel a bit feverish. 

Yoosung’s voice sounds different, lower, when he finally works up the courage to ask a follow up question. “L-like where?”

“Like my waist, and m-my back,” Your voice is starting to sound strange to your own ears, and you wonder if Yoosung thinks so, too. 

“A-anywhere else?” He whispers.

“Maybe my, um, my chest,” You offer in a hushed voice, playing the scene out in your mind's eye; Yoosung's hands caressing your breasts, then slowly drifting down your sides to your hips. “And m-my ass.” You stop, trying to control your breathing.

“O-oh,” Yoosung finally manages, sounding breathless. In the silence that follows, you hear an audible swallow, and then: “W-where else?”

“Everywhere,” You can’t help the words that come out of your mouth as your imagination tempts you with the thought of his hands roaming your figure, his fingers dipping between your thighs as his tongue continues to tangle with yours. “I want you to touch me everywhere, Yoosung.” Your voice betrays your longing. 

"E-even...?" His whisper is equally honest.

"Y-yes." You murmur, feeling almost dizzy. Are you really talking about this? 

You hear a light groan. “C-can I ask you something?” Yoosung says, voice a bit shaky. “Are you… could you… touch yourself? Where you want me to touch you?”

You gasp, face flushing red hot. “Y-yoosung!” 

“I-I just thought, it would make you feel g-good.” Yoosung says, and you can hear the tension in his voice; he’s nervous, but you’re pretty sure that’s not all he’s feeling right now.

“Actually… I was about to, um, do that when you called me.” You confess, wondering if he’ll understand what you mean.

“R-really?” Yoosung exhales into the receiver, his breathlessness making it clear that he _does_ understand what you mean. 

“Yes,” You admit sheepishly. “I was thinking a-about you.” 

Yoosung lets a moan slip, and the sound zips straight between your legs, making you squirm. 

“Hearing you say that... ah, I w-wish I could see you.” He whispers quietly. 

You feel hot all over. “Should I… tell you what I’m wearing?” 

“Please…”

“Well,” You hum, a bit anxious. “I’m laying in bed, and I’m wearing my nightgown.”

“Oh… what color?” Yoosung asks.

“Lavender. It’s, um, pulled up to my stomach.” You say, face burning. “And my-my underwear is white.”

Yoosung exhales slowly, as if he’s trying not to make another embarrassing sound, and you hear a slight shuffle from his end. You're unsure what to say next, so you wait for him to speak. When he does, you're surprised by his request.

“W-will you do it?” He asks, voice thick. “While we talk?” 

"T-touch myself?”

“Y-yes.” Yoosung confirms slowly, as if he can’t quite believe he’s asking this of you.

Your stomach jumps with nerves and excitement; the suggestion alone is enough to make you ache. “Okay, I-I will, but only if you do, too.” You offer.

“O-oh! I can’t!” Yoosung protests, but his breathlessness gives him away; he likes the idea. “I mean, not that I…h-haven’t done it before while, um, thinking about…” His voice drops off and he clears his throat. “It feels weird, like I’d be taking advantage of you.” 

“It doesn’t have to be weird,” You offer. “But - you don’t have to.” 

“S-sorry,” Yoosung mumbles apologetically. “It just…doesn’t feel right.”

“That’s okay,” You assure him, not sure whether this has cut your conversation short. “You don’t have to.” 

“Does that mean you won’t…?” Yoosung asks, and you can tell he’s trying to mask the disappointment in his voice, though not very successfully. 

“Hmm,” You consider slowly, not quite able to stop yourself from teasing him a little. “That depends.” 

“O-on what?” Yoosung asks. 

“If you’ll talk to me about…what I’m doing, or what you would do, then I’d like to.” 

You hear him catch his breath, and then more shuffling. “I-I can do that.” He says. 

“Good, because I really want to touch myself for you.” 

On the other end of the line, Yoosung muffles another moan, and his breath comes through the phone a bit heavier than before. Using your free hand, you slip your panties off your legs, tossing them to the side. 

“Okay, Yoosung.” You murmur warmly. “I’m ready.”

“A-are you...?” He’s so quiet you almost can’t hear him. 

“Y-yes,” You reply breathily, sliding your hand back down your stomach, dipping between your thighs to brush against your sex. The slight friction makes your breath hitch, and you start to slip your fingers through your slickness. Your touch provides you with a bit of relief, and you hum. 

Yoosung’s breath comes back to you, still heavy. “H-how should I…?”

“Just… tell me how you would touch me.” You direct him while your fingers trace your slit, fingers just teasing your entrance while you wait patiently for Yoosung to speak.

You hear him swallow, and then take a breath, and then: “I want to…to kiss your neck,” Yoosung starts. “Soft and slow, and make you warm all over, like you said.” 

“That sounds nice…” You murmur encouragement, imagining Yoosung’s sweet mouth pressing against the juncture of your neck and shoulder, his lips soft on your throat, and then your collarbone. 

“And then I want to feel how hot I make you,” Yoosung takes a shaky breath. “U-under your clothes…”

You moan a little and hear him exhale sharply into the phone. “Tell me where,” You direct him, slipping your fingers inside you.

“I w-would touch your breasts,” Yoosung’s voice is unstable, and you close your eyes to better drink in the sound of him. “And s-squeeze them gently with my hands… I bet they’re s-so soft…”

You hum, enjoying the idea of Yoosung’s grip on your breasts, his hands massaging you pleasantly as his lips continue their hungry, wet presses at your neck. 

“I-if you like it, I would t-touch your nipples, just a little.” Yoosung’s voice is getting husky, and your fingers inside you move faster in response. “I would be gentle, if they’re sensitive, maybe use my-my mouth instead…” 

“I like that,” You whisper back with a soft moan. “Very much.” 

“Then I’d do it as much as you like,” Yoosung says, his breathing rougher in your ear. “Until y-you make those sounds, just like that. I want to hear those sounds - just for me.” 

“Yoosung…” You moan his name. "Do you like the noises I'm making?"

"Y-yes."

“I want to tell you what I’m doing to make them.”

“ _Oh_ ,” He moans quietly. “O-okay.” 

“I’m h-holding the phone in one hand,” You start, stuttering a little as your fingers dip back into your slit. “And - _ah_ \- my other hand is b-between my legs.” You gasp a little at your own touch. “And I’m t-touching myself there while I think about you.”

Yoosung groans at the picture you paint for him; the sound is throaty and lower than you would’ve expected. “A-are you w-wet?” He asks frankly, voice breathy with desire. 

“Yes,” You breathe, pumping your fingers faster. “I wish you could feel how wet I am…” 

“I w-wish I could be there.” He nearly gasps.

“I want that too, Yoosung.” You moan, hips jerking as your fingers locate your pleasure point. “I want you so bad.” 

“M-me?” Yoosung asks, a touch of surprise and awe to his voice. 

You almost chuckle at his disbelief, but luckily your gasp covers it as your fingers graze your sensitive bud. “ _Ah_ –yes!” You manage. “I want you here. I want you to touch me all over, just like you said… with your hands, your lips...” 

Yoosung moans softly. “I– _ah_ -” You hear Yoosung’s breath hitch. “Sorry, but…I-I started touching myself.” He apologizes. “I c-couldn’t help it...” His last words come out like a whimper.

You hum, a pang of pleasure erupting in your core at his admission. “How does it feel?” You ask him, pumping your own fingers in and out of you to what you imagine must be his rhythm. 

“G-good,” Yoosung grunts. “Really good.” 

“Me too,” You assure him with a breathy moan, thinking about how his hand must be fisted around his hard length, how he must be stroking himself with smooth, swift motions. “P-please tell me what else you want.”

“I want to make you feel good,” Yoosung moans quietly. “I want to do anything you want.” 

“Tell me,” You curl your fingers inside your heat, exhaling sharply as you hit your sweet spot.

“I w-want to touch you while you...while you touch yourself,” Yoosung groans. “I want to cover you in k-kisses, from your head to your toes.”

You murmur appreciatively, tuning in to the breathless quality of his voice, imagining his hot, greedy kisses all over your body. 

“And I-I want to find all your most sensitive places,” Yoosung gasps lightly into the phone. “I want to kn-know you, every inch of you. Especially... where you’re touching now.” 

“I’d like that,” You moan as your pleasure builds. “I’d like that so much.”

“I want you to touch me, t-too.” Yoosung continues. “And I want you to look at me while– _mm_ –while we touch each other, so I can see every face you make.” His moan is surprisingly lewd, and you find yourself losing whatever self-restraint you have left. 

“I want to touch you like that. I want to make you feel good, too.” You moan, fingers curling inside you. “I would use my hands, my lips, my tongue…” 

Yoosung’s breath picks up, and you imagine that he’s touching himself more purposefully now, hot with desire for the scenario you describe. You wish you could see how red his face is, how his eyes close tight as he concentrates on the sounds you're making. 

“I–I want you to..." Yoosung moans. “I want you to touch me, to taste me…”

“Yoosung…” His name slips off your tongue so easily, lustfully.

“And I want to–to know what it feels like inside you.” His voice is thick and needy, making you ache.

“ _Mm_ , yes! Yoosung, I want you inside me.” You tell him with a whine, imagining the stretch of him, the fullness.

“Y-you’re probably so w-warm, _mm_ -” 

Yoosung’s moan in your ear has your fingers moving frantically, and you gasp back at him as you feel the familiar tightening inside of you. “I would f-feel so good with you inside me, Y-yoosung, s-so good!” You whimper, circling a finger around your pleasure point. 

“ _Ah!_ ” Yoosung gasps breathlessly. “I-I’m close! I’m sorry, I can't– _ah_ –”

“Me too,” You moan desperately, feeling yourself approach the edge. “Y-yoosung, I’m s-so close-!”

“ _A-ah,_ ” You hear Yoosung whine, and his breath catch, and then you’re coming undone with him, the two of you moaning and gasping as you reach the brink, tumbling over the edge into together. At your peak, you call out his name, and he whimpers back, and then - 

You breathe heavily, lying motionless. Your heart is pounding in your chest, which feels unusually tight, almost painful. You’re not sure if you heard him right, since your ears are ringing. _Did he just…?_

“Ah, that was embarrassing!” Yoosung pants, trying to laugh as he collects himself on the other end of the phone. “I mean - n-not you! Not at all!” He rushes to reassure you. He can hear you breathing unevenly and tries to fill the silence. “It was just… intense.” 

_He doesn’t even realize_ … You’re speechless, even as you’re still catching your breath. _He doesn’t know it’s not my name that he said…_ There’s a sharpness in your throat that makes it difficult for you to speak. You can hear Yoosung shifting on the other end of the line and figure he’s probably cleaning himself up. Another moment passes in which you still don’t speak, and then everything is still again. 

“Um, I hope you felt g-good. I mean, I know I did.” Yoosung offers in the face of your silence.

You still can’t find the words to say to him, and he continues. 

“Ah, sorry, I’m being weird about it. I’ve just never done something like that before…” Yoosung says, becoming anxious. “Are you still there? I’m… really sorry if I went too far.” He sounds so fragile, so concerned. 

“I’m here.” You say, swallowing. “Sorry, just out of breath.”

“Oh!” He laughs shyly. “Yeah, me too.” 

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, hand pressed over your heart as if that will soothe the strange tightness there. “It was really good, Yoosung.”

“Good! That makes me happy.” He sounds more relaxed. 

Something pricks at your eyelids, maybe tears. You swallow again - you can’t let him know. “We should probably go to bed now - it’s pretty late, you know!” You try to sound upbeat, even as your hand clutches at the fabric of your nightshirt.

“Right!” Yoosung agrees quickly. “I don’t think I’ll have any more trouble sleeping after this.” 

Your heart thuds heavily. “Yoosung?” 

“Yes?” 

“Will you... try not to be too disappointed with me when we finally meet?” 

“Wh-what? How could I be?” His surprise is genuine, and it makes your chest twinge just a little tighter. “I can’t wait to meet you in person.” Yoosung sighs sleepily. “I bet you’re as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.”

 _But, I’m not her_ , you think, blinking back tears of frustration. And it’s _her_ name he’d said just now. Does he even really think of you at all? At the end of the day, are you just a stand-in for her? A replacement?

“Thanks, Yoosung.” You manage to put some warmth into your voice without giving away your emotions. “I hope you sleep well.”

“You too.” Yoosung yawns into the phone. “I’ll call you in the morning, okay?” His voice is soft, content. “Goodnight, my precious one.” 

“Goodnight, sweet Yoosung.” 

You barely manage to end the call before the tears start falling, thick and fast. _They were right_ , you think, remembering all the things the other RFA members had said. You cover your mouth with your hand, trying to keep your hurt in check. Because it does hurt – more than you would have thought it could. 

Pulling in a shaky breath, you sit up in bed, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. _He’s confused_ , you tell yourself, reaching for your discarded undergarment. _It’s late - it was just a slip of the tongue_. Slipping your underwear back on, you toss your legs over the side of the bed and get up, heading to the bathroom to clean up before going to sleep. 

You flip the light on tiredly, and stand in front of the sink, staring blankly, still lost in your thoughts. _What if that’s what Yoosung really wants?_ You ask yourself, not quite seeing your reflection in the mirror. He’s obviously going through some things, and the fact that he didn’t even realize he’d said her name instead of yours speaks volumes. You reach for the glass on the sink and fill it, taking a long drink. You can sense the others’ worry for Yoosung, for the suddenness of your intimacy with the impressionable college student. Of course, they're probably worried for you as well, and for how your relationship might affect the upcoming party. _Should I be worried, too?_

You take another sip of water and set the glass down, leaning against the vanity and staring into the mirror. Seven had called you cute, most likely to tease the others, but you like to think you are. You look at your reflection, the shape of your eyes, lips, and chin. Do you look like her, too? Or… _enough_ like her? You’re already living in her apartment, taking on her role - how hard would it really be? Your heart aches again as you remember how he had said her name in his beautiful, breathless voice. It’s not fair that she did this to him, to both of you. Yoosung likes you, you’re sure of it. And you like him. So why shouldn’t you do whatever it takes for you two to be together? If this is what's necessary... You bite your lip, gazing at your reflection. _Would Yoosung love me,_ You ask the tear-stained face in the mirror. _If I become Rika?_

**Author's Note:**

> In contrast with some of my previous work, I tried to keep everything in MC's perspective, as I think days 5 and 6 of Yoosung's route might be when an insecure MC might not be seeing things entirely as they are! So: Did he really say Rika's name? Or is MC just projecting their insecurities? I'll let you decide, hehe ;)


End file.
